START WITH FRIENDSHIP
Stable marriages are based on friendship. Couples who like each other’s company and respect each other are more likely to stay married.

Good communication also is important. Couples who share thoughts, feelings and needs are more likely to be satisfied.

Conflict and even anger is unavoidable. But couples who stay married are able to keep disagreements from escalating into all-out war. During arguments, stable couples are less combative than couples who end up divorced. They make more attempts to lighten the mood. That way, negative feelings don’t build up.

On the other hand, if one partner treats another with contempt, defensiveness or belligerence, the marriage is more likely to fail. The message? It’s OK to fight, but spouses who are friends know how to apply the brakes.

Other important qualities in lasting marriages include:

• Mutual support
• Flexibility and agreement on the way leisure time is spent
• A positive attitude and openness about sexuality
• Good relationships with family and friends

• Share interesting activities that allow for interaction. One study showed that hiking, skiing, dancing and going to musical concerts, plays and lectures together make marriages more satisfying.
• Be gentle and soothing when the other is upset. Curtail anger with kindness and humor.
• Keep talking. If communication is a problem, consider marriage counseling.